Alice and bedtime

I wrote this a couple of months ago and just found it in my drafts. Alice has since transitioned to a toddler bed and the screaming has subsided. 

Dear Alice, 

I'm writing this for you, to you, so you can read it someday as you sit on your back patio, taking deep breaths while your 2-1/2 year old toddler screams and throws a tantrum in her crib. When the screeching and kicking becomes too much for your heart and your patience, just pull up this post and walk outside. 

I don't know why you fight bedtime every night. Maybe it's because I give you dairy or gluten. Maybe it's because I'm the worst at discipline and my boundaries with you are blurry at best. Maybe it's because you're still in a crib and ready for a bigger bed. Or maybe you're too hot or too cold. 

I. Don't. Know. 

On nights like these, I don't care. It sounds harsh, I know. Don't wince. Just take deep breaths and know that on nights like these, you don't have to figure it all out. You don't even have to care. You just have to survive the soundtrack of crying and discontent. You just have to survive. 

I love you, Alice. I know tomorrow morning will be a new day with quiet and good morning hugs.